Like many (all) of my other guides, this will teach you every fundamental technique in Manomity and a brief understanding of Punching People for Looking At Your Wife 101. So, let's get this gravy boat floating! 

Be a big racist -

When I say 'racist', I'm not telling you to yell at foreigners for stealing our money and foreign-made goods, I mean detest everything in this world that isn't a straight, white, middle-class, 300-pound, English man in their mid-twenties to late-forties. You need to set your morals aside for the remainder of your life -- and beyond the grave, if you're more advanced -- so that you can really get into the sport of hitting black people. Most newcomers find that it takes a bit of alcohol before they can express the 'xenophobe-from-within', which is actually a good way to approach most things in life, but it will get to a certain point where one of your friends will say something along the lines of, "How come you can only fight when you're drunk, and you always get your arse kicked?" At which point you will hit them, and they will hit you, and you will soon be hurt and crying on the floor. The key here is to only fight people that looked like pansy-pube pacifists or anyone short and skinny (remember, the more minorities you attack, the bigger your penis).

Being a racist isn't just about getting drunk and smashing people over the head with pint glasses -- you have to be able to express your political views. Of course these views are idiotic, so don't spend too much time arguing your point. Instead, make up some statistics about how great Nationalists are and how black people have wings and invented AIDS. If you find yourself in an intellectual corner of contradictions and counter-attacks from your 'Asian Paki' remark, simply threaten the opposition with violence. You are now a BNP deliberator!

Get drunk and beat your wife -

Nothing quite adds to your reputation of manliness like an indication that you beat your wife; and nothing indicates that you beat your wife more than beating your wife (except maybe a banner across your house that reads, "I beat my wife!"). Conquering the feeling of 'love' is the first in many tasks towards wife-beating. If you believe for one second that 'love' is nothing more than a term used to get into someone's (a girl, of course) pants, or to be used in the sentence, "I love me country", then you should give up any hope of being a man. Women are objects -- they always have been. They are like punching bags that make babies and cook.

Now that you have your head around the whole 'love' crap, you are almost ready to start hitting that object like some kind of object. Before you can even do that, you have to put a certain amount of fear into the woman. The best way to do this is to start on your children (or neighbourhood pets, if you don't have any children). When you have built up enough confidence, simply approach your children with an accusation ("You burnt my shoe while I was still wearing it", for example) and verbally abuse them. Your wife must be nearby while you're at it (you are trying to put 'Daddy Fear' into both of them, after all). When it's clear to the entire family that you are a mad silly, you can start to get physical with your wife (I mean beat her, nothing sexual. Although raping is a good way to keep the 'Daddy Fear' in her).

Covering Hobbies -

If word gets out that you have a sick fetish or enjoy poetry (another form of 'sick fetishes'), then all of the 'Daddy Fear' and racial abuse you have been working up will be worthless. There are many reasons why fine wine is considered un-manly -- it's foreign and it's the kind of thing liberals enjoy, for example. So, here are a list of approved and unapproved hobbies:

Approved: Football, Cars, Perversion (no weird fetishes, just lesbians, but no man gays!).

Unapproved: Art, Intellectualism, Anything Foreign (except cars), Emotion, Anything Not On the Approved List.  

F.A.Q. -

'My wife is stronger than me. How am I supposed to beat her?'

Well, you're not much of a man, are you? You may have to play the 'Crazy Man' technique by smashing stuff on your head and yelling at traffic lights when they turn green. It does seem a little desperate, but you need to put the 'Daddy Fear' into your family. As for the rest of you, if you're trying to look like a man, don't get married to Jills fucking Mills!

'I don't like football. How do I look like a man?'

The same way you handle the court trial after years of abuse towards your family -- lie.

'What do you have against intellectuals?'

Everything, but for one, they're pansies!

Without people like me in the world, this country would be going down. It's no wander why my children love me and my alcoholism so much, I scare the flying banana-arse out of them. My wife adores me (even if we were divorced years ago, and I'm not allowed to see the kids). My friends are great (not in a fag way, though), and I have all of the emotional security in the world thanks to this great outlook on life. Hopefully now, you have too.