This guy's got snaz! Look at his name -- that's sensible and conventional if I ever saw it (and I'm pretty sure I did). His address is memorable (remember to purchase a house with a simple and easy-to-not-forget address for your boss's sake.
     Check out his email: AOL is a standard You-Can-Give-Me-a-Job-but-I'll-Only-Be-Making-You-Money-in-the-Long-Run-style email server. The name definitely gives you the impression that Jonathon is a good lad (and that he's also at AOL).

What a terrible name. Not only is Hard-To-Work-With a bad omen, but it looks Greek. The only job a Greek will get in this country is at a kebab shop. He also filled out his home phone number, rather than putting his address. Not only that, but it's definitely a fake number, too. These hypothetical guys piss me off.
     His email sucks, too. First of all, he's a member of Yahoo, and they're a company that you sign up for intentionally, and not just because it came with the modem, or whatever. I don't even think I have to tell you what's wrong with his account name. What a Goddamn idiot this one is. No job for you, Greek-boy!

Superhero, Lawyer, Messiah, Professor, German.

Burger King-Twunt, Webmaster, Early Learning Centre Stock-Keeper, Auto-Mechanics Technical Supervisor.

At this point, it should have been made perfectly clear that lying is ok. If you're making money and impressing people of whom you don't give two flying cat-thumbs about, who cares how you got there?
         Lawyers, messiahs and professors are generally smart and wise to the ways of the world. Having a strong connection with God will also make the company look good and the boss wouldn't want to anger the Almighty.
     Claiming to know a different language is good for employers and you stand a better chance of getting hired. That's just how it is. 

None of these jobs will help you in the real world. They're not even considered careers. Perhaps the biggest mistake of all of these is the fact that Brandon made being a valet sound important with that title. If you're going to bullshit in your résumé, you have to be consistent.

Wear Clothes -

I can't stress enough how important this one is. If you appear at your interview naked, you may as well be Greek. You need to invest in a smart suit; something that says, "I look good, despite not having a spine." Since you're going for a job interview, you will be taking a bus. Wearing a smart suit on a bus is like opening a can of Asda beans with a platinum tin-opener. If you get hassled, just give them a kick. Try not to ruin your shoes though, No-Spine-Boy.

If you're unsure as to whether your suit will turn any heads, simply display yourself, in your interview-attire (preferably in the meerkat mating position), in front  of one of your parents. If you have no living parents, then you will not get a job.

Impress the interview guy with big words -

Just imagine how stupid the stupid guy would look when you use terminology such as 'indeedible' and 'yesington'. A sophisticated vocabulary covers the fact that you are desperate for money, very stupid and got your arse kicked on the bus ride over to the interview after kicking a bad idiot who insulted your suit. Another benefit of using big words is that you don't have to answer any incriminating questions regarding your past work-experiences or education. Not only that, but you appear less nervous when avoiding Cool-Chap terms, such as 'tidy-o' and 'yiggity-wicked'.

An unnecessary number of syllables -- crammed into a short sentence, with slightly too much blinking -- and crossed-legs will hide your true self (and also the fact that you know shit. See 'How to Be a Webmaster for buzz-words that mean nothing). Although, another aspect of speaking that I, as a guide-thing, have to cover is pronunciation. Always try for a posh English accent, no matter where your interview is, or who you are. If you suffer from Lisponitis (the condition of having a lisp), then there are two ways to get around it: do not use any 's's (practice using words at home that don't involve you sounding like a queer before the interview -- it's pretty easy). The second way -- if you don't wish to give up that all-important 19th letter of the alphabet -- is to pronounce your 's' differently. When you are about to speakarise a word that involves an 's', simply curl your tongue behind the top row of your teeth and make a blowing sound. This takes a lot more practice to perfect than giving up the letter altogether, so I don't recommend it unless you're a member of the S 4eva Union.

F.A.Q. -

'I just pissed my pants minutes before the interview. Where do I go from here?'

Not a bad start. The imperative (try that word in your interview) thing (don't try that one) to do is cover up the appearance. Most people will try to dry the stained area around the crotch (let's call this the 'Whoops Zone'), but that is a big mistake. Your interviewer will normally look for shade differences in your Whoops Zone, so instead, pay a homeless person to piss on the rest of your trousers so that it's the trousers that are strange-looking and not you.
     You might want to do something about the smell. Any kind of deodorant will do, but you may find there is no time to purchase any. Rubbing various flowers against your trousers will lift some of the smell off slightly, but if all else fails, remove your trousers and try to stretch your boxers to your feet in order to emulate your once lovely trousers. Hope that helps.

'I'm nervous. Should I take some drugs to calm myself?'

No, you must fight on without the use of pussy-pills. You will look like a dumb idiot silly in your interview if you do. That said, many people do take drugs before their interview, or even before church, but they're cool and you're not.
     I've never seen it done before, but you could take drugs to calm your nerves while trying to look like you're funky and do them all the time. I suggest bringing a piano to your interview, because pianos are cool, and interviewers like to make assumptions based on the instrument you're carrying.

'I just shat myself minutes before the interview. Where do I go from here?'

Am I seriously writing for you people? Christ, you guys are weird.

I know just by looking out of the window that I am responsible for everything (Lean 2 Splel guide-wise). Through the magic of generic lies such as, "I'm good with people" and, "I've always loved your company", even a squirrel could get a job at Cash Converters. So you see, even though I am fabulishous at informing people about things, the true way forward is through swallowing your pride and opening your mouth again to French-Kiss the upper-guy's arse.